Here’s why Dad’s should take paternity leave (from a Mom’s perspective)

Today is the last day of my husband's paternity leave.

My husband isn’t the “type” to take a pat leave and be a stay-at-home dad. In fact, he was minimally involved with our first baby for my 12-month maternity leave because he was busy working around the clock for our young family. Unfortunately, it’s the reality for most families. I am so thankful for maternity benefits in Canada but they barely cover half our Vancouver mortgage.

For our second baby though, for a myriad of reasons, we made the decision for him to go on paternity leave and I would continue to work. He’s a tradesman - an electrician - for a municipality and out of the 60+ staff in his department probably under 10% are women. Funny enough, when he applied for his FULL paternal leave of 35 weeks, his bosses didn’t even know how to handle the paperwork - no one had done this before.

As expected, the time flew by, and every time we thought we were finding our groove, baby girl flipped the switch. Regardless, the past 10 months changed our lives and perspectives.

So Dads, here's why I think you should consider taking pat leave, from a mom's perspective:

(Disclaimer: Apologies for deeply leaning into heteronormative stereotypes here as we fall into many of those stereotypes ourselves)

1) He appreciates moms (and his job) a heck of a lot more

My husband can and will now say definitively that being a mom is the hardest job in the world. As much as he loves the kids, he's ecstatic to go back to work. He fully understands how difficult it is to be a primary caregiver. Note: he often works on electrical poles 30 feet in the air, in all forms of weather, but he'd prefer that over screaming babies.

2) He's become the default parent (kind of)

Okay, that's not actually true, it's still mostly me, BUT it's a bit of a trope that moms know the kid’s schedules better as the primary caregivers and dads barely remember their birth dates, but Caleb is more in tune with her schedule, and can settle the baby & anticipate her needs, better than me.

3) He now grocery shops, meal plans, and cooks for the entire family

In our 8 years of marriage before this, I don't think my husband had ever been to the grocery store on his own... it's just something I did and enjoyed (though it was a lot of work) and by default, I managed meals.

Now he’s baking bread, meal planning & shopping, he makes breakfasts & packs lunches, and preps dinner for all of us. He doesn't do it all, every day, but he's gained so much confidence and competence in this area, it's nice that we can share this load.

4) He's better connected with the kids

I know he's solidifying his bond and deepening his relationships with the girls. Research shows that early engagement promotes a sense of security, trust, and emotional connection. This foundation of trust and attachment has long-term positive effects on a child's emotional and social development.

5) He's more bought in and aligned with the household activities

While I work and the baby naps, he's doing laundry, cleaning the house, walking the dog, doing daycare pick-ups, folding tutus, and beyond. Unfortunately (typically) moms do it all on top of their 9-5. He has a full understanding of the daily tasks it takes to run a household on top of everything else.

6) Positive gender role modeling

When he's actively participating in caregiving and household tasks, it challenges traditional gender roles and stereotypes for not only our kids but our extended family. Our girls grow up witnessing a more equitable distribution of responsibilities, which I'm hoping will positively influence their attitudes towards gender and relationships. Plus, the grandparents have shifted their traditional expectations of both of our roles.

7) We've never spent this much time together... ever

I work from home in my office. He's at home with the baby (the toddler is in daycare). In the 9 years we've been married, our work schedules have often conflicted. But in the last 10 months, we've got to enjoy more time together. For a lot of families, in the first few years with littles, you're constantly in fight or flight (and let's be honest, you often want to fight or flight (i.e. escape) your partner), but we've been able to grow together and spend some quality time together, even if it is chaotic.

Are we smashing the patriarchy? No.

Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But we now both encourage dads to take a pat leave when possible. Ultimately, these past 8.5 months have shaken up our default settings instilled in us culturally, that mom takes primary responsibility for the kids and the household and we’ve set a better foundation for how we parent together, going forward.

Would love to hear more about your similar (or not so similar…) experiences!